Stop The Self-Sabotage Already! Pt. 3

As we wrap up this Inner Victim conversation we’ll be outing your Inner Victim for good. This means goodbye to the frustration and confusion that goes along with living in a victim mentality.

The truth is victims can’t be responsible. As soon as you shine your light of responsibility on things that aren’t working in your life, your Inner Victim will whither and die.

Let’s review what it feels like when your victim has taken control:

POST#1

CALLING OUT YOUR INNER VICTIM

• Confusion, foggy state of mind, indecisiveness
• Analyzing and re-analyzing the same things repeatedly
• Responsibility avoidance; blaming, finger pointing
• Not owning your part
• Excuses, reasons, justifications
• Giving your power away and blaming others (‘I couldn’t say no’ is a prime and sneaky example)
• Key Phrases: I’m confused, I don’t know, I don’t understand

POST#2

5 STAGES OF THE VICIOUS VICTIM CYCLE

• Victim Cycle of Dysfunction; something happens to upset you, you withhold something, you start to judge, criticize and justify, then you blame the other person for you’re withholding.

Basically… VICTIMS ARE: toxic, emotional vampires and whenever they are present there is no room for functional, harmonious, loving relationships to exist.

After that close examination of victim – both yours and the impact other people’s victims have in your life – you must be ready to stop the powerless experience of being a victim.

The question of course is: How?

Simple.

Kill off your Inner Victim with a healthy dose of responsibility and compassion.

For most of us, once we’ve noticed the victim is in charge, our first instinct is to judge and get really down on ourselves. This may relieve the victim experience in the moment, but over time it actually makes the cycle worse. Judgment is a key activator of the victim.

5 Steps To STOP YOUR VICTIM:

Step 1: NOTICE Your state-of-mind and state-of-being. If everything feels like it’s happening TO YOU and you’re emotional, 99.999873% chance you’re in a victim-state-of-mind.

Step 2: LIST all the things that are wrong or shouldn’t be the way they are. A place to start is to look at what are all the things you are complaining about or blaming others for?

Step 3: TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for all of the things in that list; even the things you really don’t want to or don’t see how you can. Trust me, in some way shape or form, you did or didn’t do something that contributed to you being in this mess in the first place.

Step 4: ACCEPT things how they are, acknowledge the impact on you and the other people in your world. Don’t get into judging yourself here; you did what you did – judging won’t change any of it. Have compassion for you, deal with the fallout, and move on.

Step 5: TAKE ACTION in some way to rectify the things you did or didn’t do that got you into this mess; whether that’s give up complaining, apologize, extend an olive branch, or accept things the way they are.

Say no.

Say sorry.

Say yes.

Ask for help.

Offer help.

Try something different.

Quit.

Break-up.

Move.

Sell it.

Buy it.

Get creative.

Just do something!!

Bottom line: If you have flat tire, complaining about it won’t change it. The tire doesn’t care how flat it is, how pressed for time you are, or how inconvenient the timing is. The tire is the tire, it’s flat, and that’s that. Complaining, getting angry, freaking out, or crying won’t change it. Only you can do something to get that tire changed.

Same deal for the situations in your life. Everything is the way it is; complaining, getting angry, freaking out, or crying about it won’t change it. It is how it is. The only thing that will make a difference is you accepting things how they are, taking responsibility for what you did to get yourself there, and then take action to change the things that don’t work for you.

“I just can’t say no to cookies.” Bullshit. I really just choose not to. Accept that as it is – “Up until now, I haven’t said no to cookies.” The impact is, sugar and me don’t work well together, it’s impacting my waistline, and I’m unhappy about that.

What am I going to do about it?

Starting now, I’m putting down the cookies and picking up veggies instead.

End of story.

Wanna go for a walk? 😉